No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
