According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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