I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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