You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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