And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just cropdusted the office
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
