flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
