I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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