He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning