Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?