Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
