This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.