I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying