I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
