She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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