The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
