it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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