I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
