so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
