it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
