Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
