just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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