My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
