My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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