so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
