his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
