am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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