Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
