My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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