when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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