She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
