Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
