all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
