Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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