Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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