i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
