Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
