I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
