i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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