I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
