i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
