he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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