Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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