I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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