she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize