i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
