eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
