You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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