Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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