We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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