Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
