if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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