Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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