Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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