Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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