Rock
Scissors
Fuck
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
