I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
