tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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