bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
