Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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