i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
