i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
