Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
