Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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