Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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