Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
