I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
