is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
