I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
