just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
sex in a hospital.. check
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
