look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
