he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
