Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
