i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
