So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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