You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
