At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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