Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
